The real question about marriage equality, and the church's stranglehold on America was dodged in today's NYTimes.
Philip Galanes, in his Social Q's column, addressed a question posed by marriage equality activist David Bohnett. The question as printed in the NYTimes:
I am at the forefront of the battle for same-sex marriage. Lately, it feels like too big a compromise to my values of fairness and equality to accept wedding invitations while my partner and I aren't allowed to marry. Do you think it's reasonable to decline wedding invitations, with the explanation that I wish the bride and bridegroom much happiness and look forward to the day when my partner and I have the same legal rights as they do?
David, Beverly Hills, Calif.
But Mr. Bohnett's question as edited was missing this crucial point (bold text):
I have been in the forefront of the battle for same-sex marriage equality. Our recent setbacks are discouraging, but we've made tremendous progress in the last decade and I believe it's only a matter of time until we achieve full marriage equality at both the state and federal level. It feels like too great of a compromise of my core values of fairness and equality to accept a wedding invitation, particularly one held in a church of a faith that has actively worked against marriage equality. Until my partner and I have the same legal rights as heterosexual couples, do you think it is reasonable to politely decline wedding invitations from family members and friends, with the explanation that I wish them much happiness and look forward to the time that my partner and I have the same opportunity to marry ?
David Bohnett, Beverly Hills, Calif.
Mr. Galanes' response:
So, like a wedding cake hunger strike?
I hear your frustration, and your impulse doesn't strike me as wholly unreasonable.
But it may seem awfully selfish to the wedding bouquet set: making their big day all about you. I bet you would engender more good will, for yourself and your cause, by celebrating the happy couples and explaining (in a congratulatory card, perhaps?) how deeply you wish you could share their joy with your own partner -- not to mention the myriad rights and privileges that come along with something borrowed, something blue.
But if you truly can't be happy watching Granny pinch the centerpieces, just say so. It may still be on the selfish side, but a bride and bridegroom may be more inclined to understand.
Mr. Galanes' answer may have been the same, but editing out the faith-based aspect only serves to deny the reader the full impact of the church's financial role to support harmful discriminatory legislation.
One can only wonder if the inexorable decline of print media is somehow tied to a culture that saves column space for the sake of expediency and tidy answers.